Parent dilemmas

Parents’ Dilemmas


Dilemma 1 Your child informs you that a friend is using alcohol or other drugs.
Ask yourself: Is this factual?

• It’s possible your child may be implicating a friend or an acquaintance to divert suspicion and focus from his or her own unhealthy activities.
• Even if you have some doubt, it is worth investigating. Would you feel guilty if your child’s friend overdosed?
• If you have a strong hunch this information might be true, it is worth sharing with the child’s parent(s). If you were them, would you want another parent to keep this secret?
• By acting on this information, you are expressing a powerful and positive message that substance abuse is NOT OK and that you care about your child’s friends. Remaining silent could send the message that you condone drug and alcohol use.

Dilemma 2 One of your teen’s friends comes to your house under the influence of alcohol or other drugs.

• Under NYS Penal Law, you are not criminally liable because you did not serve your teen’s friend nor did he or she consume the substance while under your supervision and/or on your property.
• However, civil law has a much broader scope. You are not trained in the detection of drug/alcohol use, but you are concerned about your teen’s friend. Unfortunately in today’s world you need to provide yourself with a “layer of protection” from possible civil repercussions if your teen’s friend leaves your home and either injures him or herself or others. For that reason, if at all possible, do not let the teen leave your house under the influence. You should notify parents or another responsible adult who is close to the teen, then call 911, or the local law enforcement agency.

Dilemma 3 Your teen is attending a party and you find out alcohol and/or other drugs are being used there. Do you call the police, even though your own child may be implicated?

• By not calling, you are enabling these teens to use alcohol or other drugs. If one of the party attendees overdoses, or leaves the party and is involved in an accident, how would you feel?
• If  you do not call, you are preventing your own child from experiencing consequences and you could be perceived as condoning the use of alcohol and other drugs.

Dilemma 4 You’ve discovered your teen is experimenting with alcohol and other drugs. What should you do about driving privileges?

• Driving is a privilege, and with privilege comes responsibility. If you know your teen is using alcohol or other drugs, he or she is probably also driving under the influence or riding with friends who are users.
• Be aware that teens also use their cars to get to places to buy alcohol and other drugs, and as a place to use them and/or store them.
• Take away your teen’s driving privileges until you are certain that he or she is no longer using. No questions asked, no arguments allowed. Period.

Dilemma 5 Your child is curious about your past experiences with drugs.

• When your child initiates discussion about your own past use there may be a hidden agenda. What your child may be seeking is tacit permission for his or her own experimentation and use.
• Children need to hear with absolute clarity that you are giving zero permission for any experimentation, regardless of the mistakes you’ve made in the past.
• Boasting about and glorifying past use—or the opposite, taking the moral high ground—will compromise your child’s refusal skills.

Dilemma 6 You question your own or your spouse’s current use.

• “Do as I say, not as I do” ensures a breakdown in communication between parents and kids. It is the height of hypocrisy and is the surest way to sever open communication.
• If you suspect you have a problem with substances (and this includes alcohol or other “legal” drugs), you probably do! Consult your doctor or another qualified health professional.    

Information taken from the following source:
Mark A. Head, LCSW-R, CASAC; Rush Henrietta School District Prevention Coordinator